Archive for the ‘five love languages’ Category

Another Radio Interview!

August 24, 2009

Check out Midday Connection to hear Dr. Chapman talk about The Five Love Languages – Singles Edition.

Host Melinda Schmidt will be interviewing Gary on Moody Radio at 12noon (CST). If you’re not near a radio or if you don’t have Moody programming in your area, you can check it out streaming from the web.

Missed the program? No problem you can download the podcast.

Love is a Choice

August 20, 2009

The Five Love Languages has helped hundreds of thousands of couples rediscover warm emotional feelings for each other. Now, this did not happen because someone decided, I’m going to have warm feelings toward my spouse again. It began when one person decided; I’m going to express love to my spouse in spite of the fact that I don’t have warm feelings toward her or him. Emotional love can be rediscovered. The key is learning the love language of your spouse and choosing to speak it regularly. Warm feelings are the results of loving actions. Love is a choice.

How can we express love to our spouses when we are full of hurt, anger, and resentment over past failures? Remember the words of Jesus: Love your enemies. “Bless those who curse you.” Why would Jesus say this? Because love is the most powerful weapon to change the heart of the other person. Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.
If I know my wife’s primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love. If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met and both of us live with a full “love tank.”
How do you create this kind of growing marriage? It all begins with the choice to love. I recognize that as a husband, God has given me the responsibility of meeting my wife’s need for love. I choose to accept that responsibility and learn how to speak her primary love language. What happens? My wife’s attitude and feelings toward me become positive. Now she reciprocates and my need for love is also met. Love is a choice.

What if speaking your spouse’s love language doesn’t come natural for you? The answer is simple: “You learn to speak it!” My wife’s love language is “acts of service”. One of the things I do for her regularly as an act of love is to vacuum the floors. Do you think this comes naturally for me? You couldn’t pay me enough to vacuum the house. There is only one reason I do it: LOVE. You see, when it doesn’t come naturally to you, it is a greater expression of love.
Your spouse has a primary love language, and if you learn to speak it, you will see a radical change in your spouse. The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, physical touch and gifts.
Learn your spouse’s primary love language and you will have the key to unlocking warm feelings. You don’t have to have warm emotions toward your spouse to speak their language. Love is a choice.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. The newly recovered and updated book, set to come out in 2010, visit to sign up for our weekly emails and stay in the loop about new Gary Chapman updates!

Is it a Driver or a Wedge?

August 6, 2009

Okay so this post has nothing to do with Golf, sorry if I got any of you excited. But it does have to do with driving and wedges. Getting rid of potential wedges in your relationship is crucial to the health of the marriage. A relationship wedge is anything that has the potential to drive you and your spouse apart. The first and most dangerous wedge is pride–specifically, the pride that keeps you from apologizing. Pride turns simple misunderstandings into long-term problems.

Other potential wedges include negative input from friends and family, overbooked schedules, and indifference. You probably won’t be able to remove all the wedges from your relationship, but you can remove enough to give your love a chance to grow.

Another way to create a better climate is to look for positive things in your spouse. Your spouse may have traits and hidden talents that you knew nothing about before you were married. Look for these things and compliment your spouse. You can create a better atmosphere if you use positive words. Find the goodness in your spouse and proclaim it loudly, especially in front of other people.

Have you ever publicly acknowledged and encouraged your spouse? Has your spouse ever done this for you? Share your story, or creative ideas on how to do this in the future.

Moody Publishers and Gary Chapman Celebrates Five Love Languages Milestone

August 3, 2009

Moody Publishers celebrated the success of Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages (Northfield Publishing, Oct ‘92) at a special reception held on July 14th. The book has passed sales of more than 5 million copies, and for the past 7 years sales continue to grow, exceeding the previous year’s numbers.

Chris Fabry, co-host of the nationally syndicated Moody Radio program Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, opened the program by presenting Chapman with a Honorary Proclamation from Colorado Governor Bill Ritter, Jr. The certificate recognized July 14, 2009 as “Successful Marriage Day,” and declared “The State of Colorado recognizes the hard work of those providing advice and counseling to couples and families, and their efforts to ensure marriage succeed and our community’s foundations remain strong.”

Greg Thornton, vice president of publications, addressed the group next, speaking on the book’s sales and the need for its continued success, pointing to a recent Time magazine cover story on the state of traditional marriage in America. He stated “when the book was first released 17 years ago, neither the publisher nor the author could have guessed the impact it would have. We knew we had a solid message, but none of us could have imagined how it would influence marriages around the world.” Today the book is available in audio format, as download for the Kindle, and has been translated in 38 languages.

John Hinkley, the director of marketing, followed with the news that Moody will re-launch the book in January 2010 with its “most aggressive marketing campaign in a decade,” including a new cover and an interactive Web site where readers can take the love languages assessment test. He ended by saying, “our goal, our vision is to help reduce the number of divorces.”

Other well-known industry professionals attending the reception to congratulate Chapman and Moody for the milestone were author Jerry B. Jenkins, CBA President Bill Anderson and ECPA President Mark Kuyper. Guests were treated to cake and given autographed copies of the book.

Photos courtesy of

Interview with Gary Chapman

July 21, 2009

Chris Fabry (co-host of Building Relationships) interview Gary on his own program Chris Fabry Live. The topic of their discussion was the honorary proclamation of Colorado Gov. Bill Ritter jr. and The Five Love Languages. Check out the program at Moody Radio.

Time for a Game Plan!

July 20, 2009

If you entered marriage believing that you could merge lives

 effortlessly, the first thing you need to do is change your expectations. The truth is, living together requires many adjustments.

Remember this is not like trying to put up with a college roommate or the person splitting the rent in your apartment, where you can choose to ignore minor irritations or strange habits until the end of the lease. This is your life partner, the one you vowed to stay with until death. And not just stay together, but build an intimate relationship. This week we’ll talk about bringing two lives together in harmony.

You found out he snores like a lumberjack. She squeezes the toothpaste in the middle. He thinks Burger King and laser tag are the ingredients of a romantic evening. She sings the wrong lyrics to every song on the radio.

The key to working through such irritations is to keep them in their proper perspective.  Don’t turn molehills into mountains.  There is so much about each other that made you fall in love with each other, focus on these things when the little annoyances seem to become big annoyances.

Too many couples view marriage as the finish line of their relationship. They work and work to make it to their wedding day, then sit back and wait for “happily ever after” to begin.  If you didn’t enter marriage with a strategy for keeping the relationship alive then you’re in trouble. The wedding is the first step, not the final one. To make your relationship work over the long haul, you need to put the same kind of time, energy, and effort into it after the wedding that you did when you were dating.

How did you act when you were dating?  Did you give gifts?  Did you always make sure that you had quality time for each other?  What are some ways that you can keep that love for each other alive beyond the “in love” feelings?

What’s in it for me?

June 22, 2009

Unconditional love means that we love, and thus seek the best for the other person, regardless of their response to us. We receive this kind of love all the time. God always bestows 

(photo courtesy of

His love on us unconditionally and His challenge to us in marriage is to love each other like He loves us. This kind of love focuses on meeting the needs of the other person. It is the greatest gift you can give your spouse. It is not based on their behavior, but on your desire to love them as Christ loved you.

In a healthy marriage, we will actually give unconditional love before we realize we’re receiving it. Far too many people are waiting for their spouse to make the first move. Someone has got to take the lead. Why not you?

Let me give you a suggestion. Say to your spouse, “I’ve been thinking about our marriage, and I realize that I have loved you conditionally. I think love should do better than that, and I want to make a fresh commitment to our marriage. I am going to ask you to give me one suggestion each week on what I can do to make your life better. Whatever you suggest, I’m going to do my best to do it.”

photo courtesy of: by joemess from austin source Wikimedia and

Still want to understand love better?  Read 1 Corinthians 13, slowly, carefully and out loud.

4 Days Left to Take the 5LL Quiz

June 16, 2009

Hello Bloggers,

If you haven’t heard, there are 4 days left to take the 5LL Quiz for a chance to win a Gary Chapman conference trip.

It only takes a couple minutes to test your knowledge of the five love languages! You could win the grand prize. Don’t miss this chance!

Please read the complete rules before taking the quiz.

Click here to take it now.

Thoughtful Gifts

May 20, 2009

Gift giving is a major part of relationships in many cultures.  I was in Chicago when I studied anthropology.  By means of detailed ethnographies, I visited fascinating peoples all over the world.  I went to Central America and studied the advanced cultures of the Mayans and the Aztecs.  I crossed the Pacific and studied the tribal peoples of Melanesia and Polynesia.  I studied the Eskimos of the northern tundra and the aboriginal Ainus of Japan.  I examined the cultural patterns surrounding love and marriage and found that in every culture I studied gift-giving was a part of the love-marriage process.
A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me.”  You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift.  The gift itself is a symbol of that thought.  How often do you think about your spouse throughout your day?  How often do you make that known to them?  This week when you think about your spouse try to show them by giving them a token of your affection, a symbol of that thought.  

He’s Got Personality

May 13, 2009

Have you ever gone on date with a person and all they wanted to do was talk about themselves? Their life, their problems, their emotional baggage strewn out for you to look at and analyze. It’s probably because they’re a babbling brook. Many of you may be asking what in the world that means.

When it comes to communication there are two extreme personality profiles. First is the babbling brook. This person is constantly picking up the phone to talk to others, in fact, if they get someone’s voicemail they call someone else. If they can’t get someone on the phone they’ll talk to themselves. Whatever they see, whatever they hear, they tell. Some of you are probably turning red saying, “That’s me,” but don’t get too embarrassed because there are likely others out there saying, “I wish I could find someone like that, then I wouldn’t have to worry about conversation starters.”

This personality type is called, the “Dead Sea” personality. These people are perfectly content not to talk. In fact, if you say to a Dead Sea personality, “What’s wrong, why aren’t you talking tonight?” He/she is likely to respond, “Nothing. What makes you think something’s wrong?” These are the kind of people who don’t find long silent car rides awkward, rather they find these car rides enjoyable.

Babbling brooks have a great time with Dead Seas because they are such great listeners, and Dead Seas love not having to carry the weight of the conversation so they enjoy time with babbling brooks. The good news for two babbling brooks is that you can both learn to become better listeners. Likewise two Dead Seas can learn to be more open and to find things to talk about.

Which are you, a babbling brook or a Dead Sea? What ways have you tried or learned to become more balanced?