Archive for January, 2009

January "Dear Gary" Episode

January 28, 2009

On this past week’s Building Relationships

Our January “Dear Gary” broadcast!

We kicked off the show with a caller whose wife had just passed away. The caller ecouraged husbands to love their wives and care for them as God has called them to. Gary expanded on this thought by encouraging spouses to remember that the loss of a loved one can come at any moment. He urged listeners to live in a way that would allow them to end as Brian and his wife did, on a positive loving memory.

[Click here to listen]

We also learned the details on the 2009 Building Relationships Valentine’s Day Contest! Interested? Here’s the deal:

To enter, you must have seen the movie Fireproof.

Call our listener line at 1-866-424-GARY and tell us your story about how the movie made a difference in your marriage relationship-how it clicked with you, or how it gave you a vision for your marriage.

Your voicemail message must not exceed two minutes, and don’t forget to leave your name and phone number. The deadline to call is Tuesday, February 3rd. What you say might even make it on air for our Valentine’s program! The grand prize is a trip for you and your spouse to Gary Chapman’s “A Growing Marriage” conference of your choice, a copy of Fireproof, and a copy of The Five Love Languages. Runners up (15 total) will receive a copy of Fireproof and a copy of The Five Love Languages.

Thanks for listening to Building Relationships radio! Tune in Saturday, February 14 to hear the results of the contest.

Please, one entry per couple. Conference trip expenses will be covered up to $1,000. Winner agrees to pay additional costs. Deadline for entries is Tuesday, February 3rd. Winners will be notified by phone.

Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time

January 26, 2009

Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. I don’t mean sitting on the couch watching television. I mean sitting on the couch with the TV off, looking at each other and talking, and giving each other your undivided attention. For some people, quality time is their primary love language, and if you don’t give them quality time, they will not feel loved. Is it possible that your spouse’s primary love language is quality time?

Listen for Clues

Quality time is a powerful emotional communicator of love. One medicine does not cure all diseases. Just as one love language does not communicate emotionally to all people. If you give your spouse affirming words; If you express love by acts of service; If you touch them affectionately; and they still complain, “You don’t ever have time for me. We used to do things together. Now you are always too busy or too tired,” they are telling you that their primary love language is quality time.

The Essence of Quality Time

A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time, because she does not have his full attention. A husband and wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the game, but on the fact that they are spending time together.

Dialects of Quality Time

Like words of affirmation, the language of quality time also has many dialects. One of the most common dialects is that of quality conversation. By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two people are sharing their experiences, their thoughts, their feelings, and their desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. If your spouse’s primary love languages is quality time, such dialogue is crucial to his or her emotional sense of being loved. Sit down. Ask questions, and listen.

Tips for Keeping the Love Tank Full

I want to conclude by giving you four tips on how to have a quality conversation with your spouse:

1. Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking.

2. Don’t listen to your spouse and do something else at the same time.

3. Listen for feelings. Ask yourself, “What emotion is my spouse experiencing?”

4. Refuse to interrupt. Such interruptions indicate, “I don’t care what you are saying; listen to me.”

Such active listening will fill the love tank of the person whose primary love language is quality time.

Excerpt taken from The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman. To find out more about Gary Chapman‘s resources, visit

Do you value spending time with your spouse over holding hands, receiving expensive gifts, or hearing encouraging words? What has your spouse done to make you feel important and like your time together matters? Share your story with us.

God’s People in Hard Times

January 23, 2009

On this past week’s Building Relationships

Every week Dr. Gary Chapman hosts his program with co-hosts Chris and Andrea Fabry.

Andrea Fabry shared the difficulty that she and Chris have had dealing with their Children’s sickness. Having been exposed to mold in their Colorado home for a prolonged time, the children have needed to see a specialist to receive treatments. So the children get well as soon as possible, Andrea has temporarily moved with five of the kids to Arizona.

The Fabry’s found this message from Gary particularly encouraging for this time, in their lives. [download show]

Follow along with the outline below.

Dr. Chapman centers his message in 1 Corinthians 4:8-16. He makes the following observations:

1. When we go through hard times, we are on display in God’s arena.

2. Not all of us suffer at the same time.

3. Hard times are not just inconveniences. Hard times are desperate times.

i. When you are sick, hungry, thirsty, or homeless

ii. When your marriage is on the brink of divorce

iii. When you’re emotionally harmed in relationships

4. How should we respond to hard times?

i. Work

ii. Return good for evil

iii. Follow the example of Jesus

Application Prayer Points:

1. Confess and ask for forgiveness about our complaints because they’re wrong.

2. Ask for a fresh vision that reminds us that we are on God’s stage.

3. Show me what I can do to work out of these hard times, and be obedient.

4. Fill me with the Spirit of Christ so that I can return good for evil.

5. Let my life reflect the attitude of Christ to be an example.

Hard times come, and at times it seems like they will never leave. Whether it be sickness, marital distress, or loss of a job, difficulty in life is inevitable. Praise God that we have the body of Christ around us to encourage each other, and help each other through these hard times. But, even more so we have the help of God Himself. We can find comfort in Him, whose stage we are on, and be encouraged that that we are one of the characters in His cosmic drama.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the same comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4)

Have you found comfort in God? Your story may comfort others:

Can you relate to the hard times that Gary was talking about? In what ways has God shown Himself faithful to help you get through these times?

Gary Chapman Radio

January 14, 2009

Have you heard about Gary’s weekly radio program?

Tune in to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, the weekly radio broadcast brought to you by Moody Radio and Moody Publishers. Listen live online Saturday mornings at 10:00 CST at, check your local radio station, or download free podcasts and find more information about the program.

Building Relationships is a weekly one hour program offering life-changing insight and realistic advice rooted in the Word. It is designed to provide fun, informative, practical help for your relationships.